The Problem with Flowers

ImageAs surprising as it may seem, flowers have been giving me a big headache lately. I like flowers just fine, don’t get me wrong, but it seems like when it comes to having them at a wedding, they turn from lovely, innocuous things into a total nightmare.

Here’s what I’ve come up against:

Flowers are too expensive. This is the first thing I remember learning about having flowers at a wedding, and it sunk in. I heard quotes in the multi-thousand-dollar range, which makes me feel lightheaded. It turns out that this is not necessarily true, but then again, it all depends on what your opinion of the meaning of the words “too expensive” is. Some may say that any amount is ridiculous and why do we need them at all (ahem loving fiance), but I’ve found that it just depends on how specific you get with the kind of flower you want and other decorations like those little sparkly bits that some people put in their bouquets. Honestly, even materials costs from DIY flowers and centerpieces will creep up there mighty quick.

Speaking of, why don’t you just DIY some flowers or flower-like things? Yeah, you know what? Lay off me. A) I have other things I’d rather be doing with my time than repetitive tasks like cutting petals and carefully dying coffee filters or crepe paper. B) Are you going to help me? No, didn’t think so. C) I am definitely not some master craftswoman who can make her DIY flowers look like Martha Stewart’s, and I just know it would make me twitchy to look at my creations and be disappointed in the quality. This is how it would go: buy materials, make one bouquet, be disappointed/frustrated, scrap the whole project. As a reference, please see: adventures in curtain-making. (Hint: it did not go well.)

Flowers aren’t great for your carbon footprint. Categorize this under things that I had never thought about: where do flowers come from? Turns out, they’re imported from Holland, Colombia, Australia, etc etc. Basically no one grows flowers on a large scale stateside, and the blooms that do come from here (and by “here” I mean gerber daisies from California–still a trek from me) are often much more expensive. Honestly, if I had a yard and anywhere close to a green thumb, I’d prefer to grow my own.

In relevant news, check out this article on the flower trade just in time for Mother’s Day. Except I’m still not going to make origami bouquets. Sorry. Maybe one day, but that day is not today.

Honestly, I’ve never thought so much about flowers in my life. This is just another one of those things that I wish someone else would just do for me, because what goes on the tables is ranked on my list of things to worry about right underneath who will feed the cat on our honeymoon, which makes it…number 214, I believe.